I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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