No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
