It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
