Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
