we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
