The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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