I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
