One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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