My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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