You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
