why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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