I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
