Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
