If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
