I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
