I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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