Just cropdusted the office
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
