I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize