hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
