Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My balls are so social today.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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