I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
