I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize