omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize