yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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