I have demons in me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
