hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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