I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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