did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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