Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
