mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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