so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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