Don't make out with my wife yet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
