her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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