Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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