he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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