I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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