haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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