is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize