your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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