omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
