eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
