Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
