Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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