You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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