it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
