Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
