Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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