dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
