you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
