She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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