Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
