I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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