I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
