you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
