Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
