I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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