I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
