His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
