Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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