Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
