I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
