Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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