I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
