So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
