I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
