Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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