Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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