what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
