what day is it and did you see me today?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Send help, water and tortillas.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize