I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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