So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
