yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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