I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
