my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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