I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
