dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize