But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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