i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
