wakey wakey hands off snakey
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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