I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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