remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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