dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize