they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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