I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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