he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
