You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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