He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
