I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
