well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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