then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
