You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
