I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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