There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
