I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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