Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
