I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i've created a new STD.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
