i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
