I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
