i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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