im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize