I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
