goodnight i made you a song goodbye
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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