Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
