I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
