4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
