so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This baby is an asshole
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
