You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize