I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
