Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
