I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
