she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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