Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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