If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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