Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
