my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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