So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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